Perspective
by Beautybecks
Summary: The POV of Gloria Hill's ghost


Title: Perspective

Rating??? If you've seen the film this is nowhere near as bad, or should that be good?

Pairing: Seth/Richie Gecko. Incest.

Summary: The POV of Gloria Hill's ghost.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. In fact, as a student I owe more than I own. I do this for love, not money. I do this for my love of Quentin Tarantino, although I'm sure people will think it's a very strange way of showing it, and I do this for Seth's love of Richie.

AN: I've avoided dialogue for the most part because there's no way I could write as well as QT. Also, Gloria Hill might be OOC but I think being raped and murdered might change your personality just a bit.

Feedback: yes please, but no flamers please. I already know I'm sick and going to hell. It'd be no fun in heaven, anyway ;-)

**Perspective**

It was frantic and painful and callous and horrific. He raped me first, hard and raw. I was so scared I passed out before he even touched me, but I know what happened. I watched. It was so surreal, as if I was watching two strangers. I was so detached.

He was surprisingly gentle when he raped me, only becoming violent when the body twitched. It was when he came inside of it, making the body arch, that he lost it. Screaming at the body not to move, not to leave, and not to run. Firing all the bullets of his gun into it until it's just a bloody mess and not a human being at all. Then he continues to watch television, not even bothering to wipe the blood off the screen.

I should hate him. He killed me. I'm dead and my life is just a memory. I try to cling to it, try to remember my family, my job, my ordinary existence, but it's all rapidly fading. And I'm not in pain, I'm not afraid. It's really rather peaceful. And as I watch the man who murdered me, Richie is his name, it's as though I'm watching a completely different person. He's chuckling at the cartoons, as innocent as a little boy.

Death is a strange thing, it has the power to alter your perception completely. You can see the world through first person, your own eyes if you chose, but I'm glad I didn't. Even watching it through it in third person was bloody enough. I'm grateful I lack the ability to vomit. But there's also another way to view the world and that is through the eyes of your killer.

Curiosity gets the better of me as I begin to wonder about Richie. He's left the bedroom, reloaded his gun with shaking hands, and is now pacing up and down the floor whining about his big brother. It kind of reminds me of a dog, waiting for its owner to return. I can't help but question what could have made this man, the man I see before me now, do what he did to me.

And suddenly I'm there, inside his head. I'm seeing through his eyes and hearing his thoughts. It's chaos in here! It's like a busy street, bustling with people, the buzz of conversation loud but unintelligible, everybody rushing off in every direction and nobody staying still. Thoughts are passing like bullets in his brain, loud and fast and hard. I don't understand how he can live like this. But he's been like this since he was a teenager, and he's forgotten what it was like before.

The murder is replaying over and over and over in his mind. What he saw, what he thought he saw. What he heard, what he was told, and what he did. He **knows** she came onto him because he heard it. He **knows** she tried to run because he saw it. I know it never happened but it did in his mind and that's all he knows. And then he only followed his brother's orders.

Seeing inside his mind, interpreting it with my own, I know he's psychologically ill. He's a sick man, in need of severe medical care. Richie lacks my judgement but there's a small part of him, a very small part which does know the difference between reality and his hallucinations. It tells him to question his eyes and ears, doubt everything he thinks he knows, ignore the voices in his head that have been as comforting and punishing and constant to him as his brother. That's the part that's really driving him crazy, eating away at him, scaring him and making him mad. That's why it's so important that his brother believes him.

I can't stand to be in his head any longer, it's too painful. It's conflicted and messy and insane. All the time. Even now, when he's finally convinced himself of what happened and he's just watching TV and worrying about his brother, there are still voices in his head screaming at him. It's easy to understand why some people do the things they do once you get into their heads.

So I understand Richie. I understand my rapist and my murderer. I even forgive him. I might even pity him because I know he's ill and he's not fit to be held accountable for his actions. But Seth, his older brother, is and I don't understand him. I don't forgive him. I may even be angry at him.

A good brother would understand Richie's illness and take him to a hospital. A good brother wouldn't let him rape women. A good brother wouldn't let him kill people. A good brother would want Richie to be well, to be independent. I don't see any justification for why Seth would put himself and others through this. But maybe I'm not looking hard enough. I need some answers, I need a reason as to why I'm dead. I need to understand.

Maybe Seth thinks he's being a good brother by looking after him. Maybe Seth sincerely deems it possible he can control Richie, he wasn't there to prevent Richie from doing that stuff to me. Maybe Seth honestly believes Richie is better off with him than in some hospital doped up on medication with unknown possible side-affects. Or maybe he doesn't really have a choice.

I recall the tenderness Seth used when dealing with Richie's injured hand, I hadn't known they were brothers at the time. But it struck me that the tenderness Seth had shown was much more like a lover than a brother, and Seth gave me a look like he knew I knew. Then he went to get the money.

He came back after mere seconds, and I watched them carefully. I noted their argument, noticed how Seth fought for control and dominance. Yet even after he'd gained it, he still wanted his younger brother's approval and understanding 'okay?' The love in his eyes was blindingly obvious, but I managed to convince myself it was just brotherly. His eyes lingered on Richie before he turned to me and told me what I needed to do in order to survive. Then he finally exited, leaving me to my death.

I stick around, waiting for Seth to return so I can confirm or deny my suspicions. I wait so maybe I can understand him better, try and make some sense of everything. And maybe I can figure out just what is his relationship with his brother.

At long last he arrives, and he's checking on his brother's hand straight away. He puts some food in his brother's other hand and chats away. It looks like he's forgotten me, he's too wrapped up in his brother, until he realises he's got some food left over. Now he remembers me, and notices I'm gone. He's worried, but only shows it as anger.

And when he sees my remains, he feels guilt. So much guilt it takes me by surprise. He blames himself, knowing he should never leave Richie alone with another woman. It's stuff like this that makes him question his ability to look after his brother and that's what scares him the most. Seth can't let Richie go, even though it would probably be better for everybody.

Seth feels a myriad of emotions so powerful it scares him, but he only lets anger appear on the surface, and he takes it all out on Richie. He knocks Richie's food out of his hands, pushes him against the wall, lets his glasses drop to the floor, tries to knock some sense into him, talk some sanity into him, scare away the craziness. But then he sees his little brother's face through his blind rage, and his anger subsides.

He pulls his brother into a hard hug, breathes in his brother's scent deeply, and whispers sweet nothings into his brother's ear. He paints a perfect future for the two of them. Once they're in El Rey they'll have everything they need: Sanctuary, money and each other.

He holds his brother for the longest time, until the tears in Richie's eyes have disappeared and tears of love have formed in his own. Then he strokes Richie's cheek and gives into the urge. He kisses Richie on the mouth, hot and intense and definitely not like a brother.

Richie doesn't reject the kiss, this is as normal to him as the voices in his head, but he doesn't reciprocate it with the same passion. Seth is the needy one, whimpering into Richie's mouth and desperately grinding their hips together. I watch with a mixture of disgust and curiosity. I know incest is wrong. Even Richie's disease ridden brain knows something isn't quite right about it, but Seth has been the only person to ever love him and he can't reject that love, no matter what form it takes.

Richie has never loved anybody, not even his brother but he is committed to him and dependant on him; Seth loves Richie unconditionally and completely, with all his heart mind and soul, leaving no room for others. But there are many kinds of love, and Seth feels all of them towards his brother, even the ones he shouldn't.

Richie tries to break off the kiss, only letting it go on as long as it has out of loyalty and obedience to his brother. It's hard to break the connection though as he's backed up against the wall and has nowhere to go. With his hands around Seth's waist he gently pushes him away, he turns his head to the side and stops Seth with a single word. "No."

Seth looks at him, tears brimming in his eyes and a pained smile on his face. "What- what do you mean, buddy?" He looks so hurt, so helpless. I can't help but almost forgive him; almost pity him. Even I can't look into his eyes so Richie has no chance.

"I just… I think we better be going." He whispers. "To Mexico." Richie bites on his lip nervously whilst Seth tries to blink himself out of the lust-induced trance he finds himself in. It takes a tremendous amount of willpower but he eventually manages to take a step back, his head still buried in the crook of Richie's neck. With a little bit more effort he finally manages to lift his head.

"You're right." he sighs.

"I am?" Richie asks.

"You're right." Seth confirms. "We need to get to El Rey." He tries to think but it's desperately hard. It takes him a few minutes, what would usually take his brain a matter of seconds but he eventually has a plan. "Right. Here's how it's going to go. The family next door are going to drive us. They've already seen me so you'll have to go. Knock on their door, give them some bullshit, get their guard down and then we'll hit them. Got it?"

"Sure thing, bro." Richie smiles. Only, he can't move as he's still kind of pinned to the wall. Seth lets out a strangled laugh before moving back, reluctantly. Richie pauses. "Thank you." He says softly, loaded with meaning, then he places a chaste kiss on his brother's lips before exiting, to follow his brother's orders.

Seth is dumbstruck for a moment. He's not sure which moves him more, the thanks or the kiss. In his love-poisoned mind it makes everything worthwhile. He glances one last time in the direction of my carcass, a twinge of guilt, which is quickly put out of his mind. There's only enough room in there for himself, his brother and love, and their money. Then he follows after Richie. They've got a family to kidnap. And I've got a light to go towards.

FIN


End file.
